If killing people isn’t a crime, I would have a good scalp count by now. While it’s pretty easy for me to give myself reason to kill, handing out unsolicited spoilers would be a crime against me that warrants death. And I guess for a lot of people too. Just read on the feel the sheer murderous rage flowing through this person’s veins.

Oh yes, this could apply to the dozens of people who had their whole Harry Potter experience smothered by uncouth people handing out unsolicited spoilers. Talk about having loud mouths and total disrespect to fiction. I can really care less about this Harry Potter thing since I am not too big a fan to actually care, but the thought of that moment of suspended disbelief shattered by loudmouths makes by blood boil. But, say, if someone gave out the ending to Prison Break without me getting to watch it first, now I’m definitely going medieval on that person’s ass.

These people should have bullets popped in the back of their skulls. No judge. No jury (Heck, we don’t have juries anyway). Straight to execution.

Unfortunately for me, I had my whole future to think about. I think the most I did was splash Coke all over someone for spoiling a movie plot twist for me. I could really have done worse but I won’t go to jail for such things. But come on, what demented fetish is there for one to spoil an experience, viewing, reading, or otherwise for other people? If it makes them feel so high, mighty and all righteous about it, I think they have a really sick mind.

Just like sado-masochists, latex loving bondage connoisseurs, pedophiles, rapists, murderers, plunderers and what have you, I guess we just have to learn to deal with them. But I hope evolution would take care of spoiler-fiends.

Oh yes, I’m writing this only moments before the President will give us her State of the Nation Address. And this is one spoiler that I’m sure not many will hate me for – she’ll say that the country’s doing well and be smug and proud with the smell of her own farts. But Conrado de Quiros wrote a better one.

What’s there to spoil with something rotten anyway?

Check out these other posts:

1. And after showing his ‘nads in Equus…
2. Hide your Harry Potter books in these
3. Good news, Harry Potter Freaks! Daniel’s naked!
4. Leeching off literacy
5. Dispensing indiscriminate advice